Letter

Dear Hershey Foods Corporation,

Your packaging sucks.

It sucks like the big, sucking sucky things that suck rocks at the bottom of the fish tank.

It should be easy to obtain a chocolate fix when one needs such a thing.

that is all,

Captainwow

Ve Haff a Veener!

And the winner is...... HEADLESS!

Congratulations, Headless! We here at the offices of Captainwow are proud to present you with our very last (for now) invitation to try gmail.

(the following should be read extremely quickly in a low, very intense voice)

**Winner need not be present to win. Within one (1) week after original post, Captainwow will make all reasonable attempts to notify the winner via email. If the winner cannot be contacted after reasonable attempts or fails to claim the highly coveted prize within thirty (30) days, another winner will be selected in their place, at a later date to be determined, which will also be held at the executive corporate offices of Captainwow. Captainwow is not responsible for illegible or erroneous information found in this blog or elsewhere. Captainwow reserves the right to interpret or change these rules at will and to make decisions concerning the award, acceptance and use of prizes in situations not covered by these rules.
This offer is void where prohibited by law or parental figures.

In other news, if you've read this far, YOU deserve a prize too!

For those wondering what the heck happened to Captainwow, he's been very fervently researching the Illuminati, creation of antimatter, and the practice of Yoga. Yoga really intrigued him until he discovered his little legs just won't work like that and he really has very little sense of balance. Now he's researching and studying Central America because he is also getting ready to embark on yet another journey. He'll be traveling in a few weeks to the land of Costa Rica. - More news on that as it arises.

This weekend he'll be experiencing his very first camping trip complete with campfires and tents and sleeping bags. We'll try to remember to take the camera along AND to take pictures of him enjoying himself so that you can share in the unique excitement and joy of an interplanetary being's adventures here on Earth.

Speaking of Ducks (which we weren't)

This: Wanna Buy a Duck? makes me think of this:

"Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more..........."


Be the first commenter to Name that tune and I'll send YOU a coveted and wildly sought after gmail invitation!

BUM BUM BAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Nocturne

I must have slept last night.

I know this because I dreamed that I was hanging out with Jenny and I had a huge stash of weed or maybe hash in my pocket to sell to the highest bidder. (don't worry, I'm not really dealing, I've just been playing Dope Wars again) And I saw a bunch of cell phones being sold at the market that looked like little fishing lures and they were attached to some lattice work by clothespins.

So if I dreamed that I must have been sleeping...

Right?

I also dreamed about long winding roads. Long winding roads intersecting among green rolling hills.

But this morning my eyes are burning and I'm chugging down the coffee because I feel like I didn't sleep a wink.

How does this happen? I just don't get it!

And That's The Way The Cookie Crumbles

Fortune in my fortune cookie at dinner tonight:

Your Present polans will be highly successful.

Good to know.

Gazel Naving

Today I am tired of nazel gaving. 
Rited of Naval Hazing and of Sloydian Frips.

Tired of Navel Gazing, Sick of being UltraIntrospective, weary of trying to untie Complicated Knots.

Where are the brakes on this thing!?  

ON the other hand, I feel that my blog has been quite UN deep lately so I want to write something magical and beautiful but all I can think of is chickens. 

I showed a couple like this in the Ingham County Fair one year:

 

Isn't he just precious!?  And these are just adorable:


 

I hadn't thought about chickens in years until I was talking with someone about showing these birds last weekend.  I forgot how fascinating they are.  There are so many exotic and beautiful breeds.  Makes me want to move out to the country so I can get a flock going.

Or not....   

I don't want no one to squeeze me - they might take away my life

They say never get into a new relationship when you're on the rebound.
Yesterday I went out (on the rebound) and picked up some new flip flops.

Now that it's morning, I have no respect for them whatsoever.

Strike One:  They've embarrassed me in public already, which is simply unacceptable this early in the relationship. 
As I was turning the corner to leave my office, my foot turned on the soles of them, making an incredibly realistic farting sound. Which would be loads of fun except that it crossed the line and went right on into unfunny because the fart sound was just a little TOO realistic sounding for the office.  I had a hard time convincing my co workers that it was the flip flop and not me.
I really don't need any help embarrassing myself. I do a fabulous job of it on my own.

So they've got that not going for them.

Strike Two:  They're noisy and obnoxious.  They FLIP! FLOP! Just a little TOO! LOUD!
 
Strike Three: They're too clingy.  They have elastic in the thong part, which I thought was really cool when we first met but soon realized this caused them to cling too tight and therefore make too much noise.  And even when we're just sitting around they're hugging on me like there's no tomorrow.  It's insane.  I fear I may suffocate if I stay in this relationship. 
 
So that's three strikes...
 
They're OUTTA HERE! 

Searching For My Lost Shaker of Salt

Dreamed last night of old fashioned elevators and betrayal and traveling from city to city with a very painfully bum knee to find the highest bidder for several units of Peyote. I was so busy in my dreams it felt like I didn't sleep at all. However, morning came so very fast and I found that all the water I drank last night to rehydrate after a grueling game of Wiffle Ball was begging for an escape route...
My astounding powers of deduction tell me that I slept quite well indeed, and that I have been playing too much Dope Wars.
No Djarums, but lots of game playing on the computer - hmmm..........
Today I will lay to rest 2 very loyal and faithful friends who have been my trusted companions for several years. I first met them at Eddie Bauer back when Flip Flops hadn't become the new old rage again yet and they were a little bit harder to find with any quality. We hit it off and have been hanging out now for a long long time. They barely have any foam left in some parts of the soles and yesterday I blew one of them out at Meijers. Right in front of the asparagus. In my mind I heard Jimmy Buffet singing Margaritaville and I walked around on a dead flip flop for the rest of my grocery shopping.

They served me well; may they rest in peace.

Captainwow in NYC

As promised, here are some photos of Captainwow enjoying the sights in New York City. He was very popular with the girls there I hear.


Captainwow in Central Park 


Viewing Time Square 


Apparently, Butt Sniffing as a Get to Know You is a universal thing........? 


He's not housebroken! 

And the crickets are breaking his heart with their song

I think I may have dreamed I was the curator of the Louvre last night. Either that or I was the painter of a painting there.
But I'm not sure. It could be neither.
And it's very likely because I'm reading The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. (fascinating, by the way!)

Today I heard "Suzanne" sung by Leonard Cohen on the way to work then a half hour ago I heard it sung in French by Françoise Hardy.

étrange.......

Lunch was pretty special today: Birthday Sushi with Paula & Fam!
I OWNED the last hunk of Wasabi! Ya, Baby! THAT is what I'm talkin' about!

Happy Birthday to you, Paula Sue!

One o' those days

sleepy day today.

cloudy-gray, chilly and perfect for

curling up in a cozy bed for a long lazy nap
playing tennis without sweating buckets
baking cakes and cookies
making Thanksgiving Dinner in July
having a campfire
drinking hot coffee
making beef barley soup
watching 3 DVD's in a row

Put Yo Hands Togetha!

Git yo hands in the air, say Hallelujah! - and then go check out Going Jesus. It's a good one.

I Dream Of Jeannie (and everyone else too)

Well, it's been a while since I played the Dream Game. The game where the points don't matter and nobody wins. (or is that a show?)
It's the blog post where I use the titles from my dream journal for the last month or so and invent an entirely new dream using those titles. The titles are in italics and today's installment goes like this:

Here are the titles:
cousin died
old friends at a hotel
farting friend
at war with the Chinese
potluck with old friends
Bible Study at the bar
Car with No Windows
Father's Day Gift
annoying boy
flirting with the cashier
security system in the barn
weed killer and the athiest
Jane's Boyfriend
death sentence and redecorated my office
Tim wearing a skirt
guy with a fro

Here's the new dream:

My cousin died while we were visiting old friends at a hotel. We were very sad, but one of these friends was a farting friend who was very vocal about her conspiracy theories and thought we should be at war with the Chinese. So we never really got to be sad about my cousin because soon we had a potluck with old friends too, before riding our horses to Bible Study at the bar. I remember thinking that maybe some people would think this strange but after much ado we finally piled in and began driving the Car with No Windows. We drove to the mall to get a Father's Day Gift. We had along with us an annoying boy who seemed familiar but I'm not sure who he was. As we were getting ready to go I began flirting with the cashier.
Suddenly the scene changed and all of us installed a security system in the barn which would warn us against any intrusion of the weed killer and the athiest. Grandma blew away the first guy who attempted to enter the barn that day. She had terrific aim.
The funniest part was when Jane's Boyfriend handed me a death sentence and redecorated my office. He told me he had no choice since my coffee cup was blue. He morphed into one of my co workers named Tim wearing a skirt. I told him he looked nice (though I did think it was odd that he was wearing a skirt) and returned to my observation of the guy with a fro attempting to fit his head into a small hole in the wall.

I Am Woman Hear Me Sing Torch & Twang

Just in case you were curious,
Tune in my head most of the day today:

BIG BONED GAL

by k.d. lang and Ben Mink


She was a big boned gal
From Southern Alberta;
You just couldn't call her small,
And you can bet every Saturday night
She'd be headed for the Legion Hall.

Put her blue dress on,
And she'd curl her hair;
Oh, she'd been waiting all week,
And with a bounce in her step
And a wiggle in her walk,
She'd be swinging down the street.

You could tell she was ready
By the look in her eye,
As she stepped in through the crowd;
She walked with grace
As she entered the place;
Ya, the big boned gal was proud.

Hey, hey, the big boned gal;
Ain't no doubt she's a natural,
Shakin' and a'snakin'
And a'breakin' up across the floor!
Hey, hey, the big boned gal;
Ain't no doubt she's a natural,
Reelin' and a'rockin',
And she's yelling out for more.

Now, people would come
From miles around
And gather there to dance,
But when the big boned gal came shufflin' in,
She'd hold them in a trance.

You could tell she was ready
By the look in her eye,
As she stepped in through the crowd;
She walked with grace
As she entered the place;
Ya, the big boned gal was proud.

Hey, hey, the big boned gal;
Ain't no doubt she's a natural,
Shakin' and a'snakin'
And a'breakin' up across the floor!
Hey, hey, the big boned gal;
Ain't no doubt she's a natural,
Reelin' and a'rockin',
And she's yelling out for more.

__________________________

Recorded by k.d. lang and the Reclines on the CD "Absolute Torch and
Twang" (Sire Records 9 25877-2, 1989)

Don't Let The Stars Get In Your Eyes Don't Let The Moon Break Your Heart

Well, we forgot to take Captainwow with us to Iowa. Which is sad for him because I'm sure he would have loved the trip.
We also forgot the digital camera. So you don't get to see the pictures we COULD have taken of Captainwow getting his first whiff of the fresh (or not so fresh) South Dakota Air and later on acquiring a sunburn while being pelted with aromatic dirt at the Inwood Iowa Demolition Derby. He would have enjoyed eating popcorn and a hotdog and cheering for the blue car that was draining fluids everywhere, missing most of its parts but still courageously attacking everything in sight.

We would have taken a close up of Captainwow getting lap time with Grandma and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins. Watching the Twilight Zone Marathon day while falling asleep after eating (again).

He didn't get to meet all the people who came from far and wide to meet him. They were happy enough with meeting us newlyweds but I think they might have been just a little disappointed that he wasn't there. He would have been very impressed at the welcoming generosity of Amazing Man's family.

Captainwow didn't get to go to Iowa but he's just gotten an invitation to go to New York City. So if all goes well - I'll post pics of that when he returns.

Meanwhile, I had some thinky thoughts on the airplane and during the weekend that I'll work on arranging into words and then into a good post.. so look for that on the horizon.

3rd Rock From The Sun

Did you know that the Cassini spacecraft made it to Saturn last night? Yee haw! Kinda neat. It took 7 years to get there.
Click HERE if you'd like to read more about it.

On my way home from work last night I passed a camper that said WirelessTrips.com on the side. I looked it up this morning - and it's a blog. Complete with logo on the side of a camper. Looks like they're blogging their summer vacation. They happen to be in Michigan right now, so that's why I saw them.
Welcome to Michigan!

Yesterday was a stressful day at work for me. Which is rare. I'm only there 4 days a week and my job has been my job for so long I mostly run on auto pilot. It has its moments but for the most part it's not stressful anymore. But yesterday - it was a bit more pressure filled. Which is fine now and then. I decompressed on the drive home some and even more by having dinner with a good friend who grilled great stuff and served some pretty dang good wine.
Aaaahhhh... much better.

And this morning, I saw this on my way to work:
Brace yourself. This is not for the sensitive reader.
A guy was doing some serious mining. And I mean SERIOUS nose picking. That's not so weird, I see lots of that on my way to and from work. No problemo....everyone's gotta pick now and then - but this guy - I am 95 % sure that I saw him EAT IT!
Now, he may have just been scratching his lip or maybe he was biting a hangnail... I'm hearing the Seinfeld slap bass lick right about now..... "It wasn't a pick!!! It was a scratch!!!"

I also saw a truck with the name on it P. B. Gast. What if you were a Gast? People would ask you who your family was and you'd say "Me? Oh, I'm a Gast!" And they'd be aghast.

rim shot, cymbal clang

So ya, that's the news, complete with bad puns, from the daily commute.

In other news, my nephews are in Michigan all month. Stayin' with Grandma and visiting with Aunt Captainwow and Uncle Amazing Man sometimes too. It will be good to get to hang out with them some while they're here.

4th of July and Northwest Airlines will take us to Iowa - visiting with family. Hopefully we'll have a great time with family and find some fireworks to watch. The Pickle O's are going to take care of Hobbes and Mocha and make sure they don't starve.
Hope YOU find some fireworks to watch, or whatever makes your 4th of July happy.
Peace, baby, and have a great weekend!