Monday, February 28, 2005

Whether You Like It Or Not

Well, now. Enough about me. Let's talk about the weather.

I heard today that "Spring" is 3 weeks away. I'd like to remind all the other Michigan residents who might be reading this that this means exactly nothing. Zero. An arbitrary date on a calendar does not affect the weather cycles. Which, if you've been paying attention to such things, have been fairly similar in this area for as long as they've been keeping records. Spring does not come automatically on the first day of spring, and it never comes all at once. Never. Got that?

'Cuz every year, there's the Bitching About The Weather. It's a ritual, I know. But do we have to do it this year? Can we take a break from the "WHAT IS THIS WEATHER!? Can you BUH-LEEEEEEVE IT!? It's MARCH, for cryin' out loud, and it's SNOWING!? LOOK AT THIS!!"

Helloo-ooo....people, it does this every year.
Every. Single. Year.

We get faked out, then we fall for it like some women habitually fall for deadbeat men. We fall in love with the warm weather and all its charms. We really believe it's here to stay this time, then get all heartbroken and whine about it when the inevitable happens and we get a dose of reality.

And the weather is up there laughing at us, enjoying the game. Let's not be manipulated this year, folks. Let's get smart and not fall for the same old crap. Let's wise up, be patient, and wait for the right one to come along. Then we can get all geeked up and fall in love with a Mature Spring. One that doesn't jerk us around and control us. One that can commit.

You see, that frees us up for Summer...

So we can complain about the heat.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Abby Normal

Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female

You are both sensitive and savvy

Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed

But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

Monday, February 21, 2005

Mocha is experimenting with her tough girl image. Posted by Hello

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Letter To The Editor

Dear Blog,

Sitting here, drinking coffee in one of my very favorite mugs. The kitties are sleeping on the bed behind me. (Mocha is snoring - so cute)
Amazing man made waffles and coffee this morning then took off for a while.
So, it's snowing out and I'm sitting here with some time to write, but not a lot of words to post.

So, just to keep things moving along, I'll start by telling you a funny dream I had last night and see where it goes from there:

I suddenly found myself with some girls who smoked. I got really excited and hopefully looked in my purse - sure enough - I had some regular cigarettes in there and some Djarums. I was so pleasantly surprised to find them there and hoped they were fresh and not stale. I chose a Djarum (of course) - there was also a lighter in there but for some reason instead of using the lighter I had a can of hair spray in my pocket that I tried lighting the cigarette with instead. It sprayed all over my face and then I realized how much of a Very Bad Idea that was. So I used the lighter, which worked beautifully. Later I was trying to light a cigarette using this other contraption that kept smoking all over and never lighting anything. It was very complicated involving a cast iron grate and having to inhale really hard to draw air through the cigarette but it never worked so finally I gave up and just stood around, smoking with the other girls. I was very happy and content.

I haven't smoked in a while so it's easy to see why I might dream this but the hair spray thing cracked me right up! ha!

It belongs in the category of Very Bad Idea dreams. I recently also dreamed that I decided Interior Paint Primer might make a Good Facial Mask. So I painted my face with it. Unfortunately, while I was waiting for it to dry, it began to sting my eyes terribly so I realized that it was a Very Bad Idea and hurried to wash it off.

Other Very Bad Ideas I've had in real life:

I recently ran out of butter and tried making no bake cookies with Parkay Spread. Very Bad Idea. They never solidified. Sticky Mess.

I recently got into the car and headed out to a baby shower. Which was fine, except I had NO. IDEA. Where I was going. None. I got out to Fuller and thought "GAARRRR!! I HATE turning LEFT on this street! Maybe I could turn Right... Wait.... Where am I going?"

ah. I can't think of anything else right now, but I bet if you admitted it, you've had a few of your very own Very Bad Ideas.

Have a Groovy Day,

P.S. Coke redeemed themselves finally by putting out REGULAR COKE with LIME!!! It's about time. What were they thinking, anyway? DIET COKE with Lime?!... feh!
Here is my shameless I Told You So.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

After Changes Upon Changes We Are More Or Less The Same

Remember the Bill Cosby Dentist Routine!? ha!
Well I got through the dentist appointment this morning. It was nothing like Bill Cosby's act! I was a bit worked up, so it took lots of extra shots to get the area numb, but it was just like some of you told me it would be - not so bad. I have at least 2 more "sessions" to get through, lots more work but it should get easier. Thanks for listening to me bein askeered and for your words of encouragement. Y'all RAWK!

Some of you commented and some of you emailed me about my previous post about pride/humility. I sure do appreciate that and I just wanted to follow that up with what little more I can say just now.

I took time off work because I didn't want the long drive anymore, and I wanted to be centered here in GR. I thought the time off would allow me time to figure out WHAT to do next. Turns out that came fairly easily. (do do nothing for a while) Who to BE is the more important question and it turns out that I don't know the answer. Me, of course. But who exactly is that? Without self protection, toughness, confidence -- The I can take care of myself, the masks.

I have the luxury of time and relative financial security to let this happen. I have the safety of a supportive husband and friends. I'm pleasantly suprised that I like not working. I can't BELIEVE how much I LOVE not WORKING - at least in the corporate sense. I miss my Melange peeps ::wave::, but I do not miss the actual work.
Did I mention I love not working?
My closet Martha Stewart self is OUT and quite happy being at home a lot.

I've spent plenty of time chasing down WHY I feel and behave and react the ways I do, and I have sought out (and found) much healing and growth and change. This time now is different. This is not the kind of healing that is active. There's not something I need to DO or FIX, I just need to BE.

When I be still enough, when I just BE - My guard be flimsy and my self protection be weak. Suddenly my pride be sticking out all over the place, jagged and awkward. I don't want to appear fragile. Or needy or vulnerable.
But, for now, I am.

So you see, this isn't a bad thing really. I'm not suffering or re-living any trauma. I'm not digging up the past and crying over it. I'm not depressed. I am leaking... I'm draining, so to speak and it's a good thing. Life is good all around that. Amazing Man rocks, and we're having a good life.

I just wanted to blog about what was rolling around in my head. It started with a strange question... but I'll keep you posted.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

What's In YOUR Junk Treasure drawer?

Ever notice that a lot of the stuff in the "junk drawer" is actually quite meaningful and valuable? For sentimental reasons, mostly.

The dresser set in our bedroom I've had since I was 3 or 4. It still looks great. It's amazing really. Once the neighbor kid and I thought we'd help my mom out by cleaning it. We wanted to suprise her so we did it -- using only our spit. ::gag::
Halfway through, Mom caught us and was none too happy with us. When I was little mom used the top drawer for all my hair ribbons and stuff. I remember not being able to see in it because I was too tiny. Now, that top drawer has become a catch-all because it's too short to put clothing in.
I've always thought of it as a "junk drawer" - but today when I opened it up for something it occurred to me that while some of this stuff is just random, some of it is treasure.

Silver Flute Christmas Ornament
The box my engagement/wedding rings came in
A Champaign cork - from what event, I'm not sure anymore.
1 chunk of granite that came loose from my dad's gravestone and I kept it
Glasses Case I never use
Pearl Necklace in a blue velvet bag
Beautiful Polymer Clay christmas ornament made by a friend
A film cannister containing a penny for every year of my life up to 1994 - given to me as a gift (in 1994)
A black velvet bag with a gold and garnet cross necklace in it
Glasses cleaner cloth
iron on jeans repair patch
Keiko Matsui Cassette Tape
Packet of Gano Coffee
2 pencils
An extra link to an old watch I don't have anymore.
a patch for the air mattress
Stone bracelet
2 Nail clippers
1 Ballpiont Pen
Extra buttons for a shirt I probably don't even own anymore
The pearl/crystal hairpiece I wore in my wedding
Pair of contacts
Butane Lighter fluid
Camera film unused
Picture of my brother
Camera film - used, not developed (from what?)
Tylenol PM
2 Ortho Evra Patches
Receipt from Eddie Bauer for shorts I bought in March 2003
manual for my Korg Tuner
manual for my trusty old Olympus Camera
A bandaid
A tiny box of bible promises
cup cozy I never finished sewing
some halloween confetti shaped like spiders (all over the bottom of the drawer)
VERY OLD Chapstick
1 Bobby Pin
AAA battery

... what's in YOUR drawer?

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Is The Room Tilting, Or Is It Just Me?

If it is pride that has kept me functioning in such a very narrow range of feeling, perhaps for the sake of a spiritual persona, or whatever else...

Then could it be that humility, in this case, requires that I sacrifice personal equilibrium for emotional authenticity?

Monday, February 07, 2005


Martha, Martha has this quote on her blog this week, and I have to say it hit me between the eyeballs today. Cause it's true.

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt." ~Thomas Merton

And, you might remember me mentioning it before but I have to have a bit of dental work done. This week is one appointment, and the second appt is in two weeks. And you know what? I'm a'sceered. You know, slightly anxious. Um. Actually, the fact is I am downright CHICKEN about this.

Largely it's because it's been quite a while since I've had to do anything like this. In fact I have, like most folks, gone through much worse. But that was then, and now this feels like I'm about to enter a torture chamber even though I know this is not truth.

It is a luxury life we live, compared to many other folks in the world who endure so much more hardship than we do. I could be living in the Rainforest of Peru and not be getting fillings, or caps or whatever else, I'd be left to rot my teeth out or maybe have them pulled - without no stinkin' Novocaine! Then after that - risk of infection or worse. So what is the big frikken deal here?

At any rate, in order to be a little easier on myself and help myself relax, I have revisited a deeply profound book recently given to me as a gift by a very dear and wise friend.

This particular book is called Yoga for Chickens by Lynn Brunelle.

The timing couldn't have been better, because right now I am Chicken, and I need to relax.
Here are some of my favorite quotes:

"I embrace my vulnerability and grow strong from it."
"I honor the barnyard. It honors me."
"I welcome the wind of life ruffling through my feathers."
"I am gloriously grounded."

And last but not least, maybe even best:
"I am nurtured and loved."

I am Chicken, hear me cluck.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Scuse Me While I Kiss the Sky

One day in about 1987, a woman handed me a tape she had made and said "I think you'll like this".
I did not. It contained songs by Joni Mitchell. And some Leo Kottke and Andreas Vollenweider -- ALL on the same TAPE! Joni Mitchell I'd never heard of (she wasn't in the top 40 at that time) so, naturally, being a teenager, I thought she was "weird". The Leo Kottke and Andreas Vollenweider freaked me out even more. I just didn't get it. It wasn't Classical or Jazz or Top 40 or Christian so it didn't fit in my teeny little musical world. But for whatever reason, I kept on listening. And it grew on me and I heard it in layers and I began to understand that music can be put together in all sorts of ways - there really aren't any RULES! I listened to that tape over and over and over and over and over.... And then went and bought CD's by those artists and then explored more within those same genres and on and on it went. This is how my ecclectic musical tastes came about.

Yesterday I heard a Joni Mitchell song for the first time since way back then -- It was the song Case of You. They played it on WYCE sung by KD Lang... so of course her enunciation is a bit different. I realized for the first time, that I'd been hearing it wrong. I looked up the lyrics today and sure enough it isn't KISS of you, it's CASE of you! ha!

Lyrics are: "I could drink a case of you baby and still I'd be on my feet."
I heard: "I could drink a kiss of you baby, and still I'd be on my feet."

I thought it was really tough. Like, "Get over yourself man, you're not THAT great of a kisser!"

Case makes a little more sense, and the song makes a little more sense, now that I'm not 17. Still, I like it better sung by Joni herself. Sorry K.D.

For more fun and amusement, visit this link for lots and lots of funny misheard lyrics!
I'm sure you have misheard a few of your own....