Potpourri of Thinkings

Someday, I'd love to turn my cats loose with the paint set. Hey! Maybe that's an idea for decorating the baby's room!

ooooh....... We might be on to something here....

In other news, thar ain't nuthin' like a good strong cup of coffee in the AM!
Morning routine:
1. Pee
2. Feed Cats
3. Get Coffee

WHEN is the last time I got up in the morning and got right on my blog? I don't know, but it's been a while.

Anyway - so It's November already? And I'm 6 months pregnant.... dude. That is some wild stuff. Wild enough to make me wax - um. Sentimental or something like that... I'll let you in on a little of it:

For me, November has some somber days in it. It contains my dad's birthday, who passed away in 1999, and the anniversary of the death of my brother who died in November of 2001. Most years so far, I've skimmed right by the dates, remembering it afterwards and kicking myself for not calling Mom on those days. I'm the odd wife too that could (hopefully will not) forget her anniversary date... Any of you men out there who've gotten raked over the coals for this one - I understand your pain. I really do. It isn't that I don't care. It's just that dates don't stick in my brain very well and if I don't consult my calendar or I haven't reminded myself what's happening or what has happened on that day - I may or may not remember.

This year, these two dates are sticking in my brain more solidly and I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's that it's been a few years and I'm getting the hang of remembering. Maybe it's having this baby boy kicking around inside me who will never know his Grandpa or his Uncle Jon. Maybe it's because I recently had another one of those confusing dreams where Dad is hanging around alive and well and there's some part of my dream brain that knows this isn't right but can't quite place why. If I think really hard about it sometimes I remember - and remembering is like hearing it for the first time all over again. How that dreamland grief can still be so fresh is amazing to me.

But I'm also remembering that November contains some birthdays of some very good friends, and some very good Family. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, and this year probably the first snow will come, and there is Pumpkin Pie to eat and the Kerosene heater to fire up and snuggle in front of, and a baby boy to grow, and lots of other good stuff like that.

It seems that remembering loss helps me remember what I have, and when I'm paying attention, it helps me live with more presence and gratefulness. If I can't find God where I am, I may not be able to find him anywhere else.