Someone's in the Kitchen With Otis Redding

Well, it's Halloween. WEE.

Halloween's not really a biggie for me. On the rare years that I go to a costume party or something like that it's fun and all, but I really don't get excited about this particular holiday.

That's not to say I'm against it or anything, that whole thing about some groups of christians getting weirded out about Halloween and having alternative "christian" celebrations came on after I was a kid. I got originally spooked on Halloween because my brothers told me scary stories, not because I knew that any Satanists were looking to steal my cat. I remember laying awake at night, thinking something would happen on this particular night because it was the night that the bloody hand got loose and did bad things to people. Later, in Jr. High, I was terrified going through the haunted house my church high school group did in the Holmes' barn. They had spaghetti swimming in ketchup for brains in a cauldron and freaky webs everywhere and hands coming out and grabbing your ankles, and "bloody" axes laying around in the straw. It was some scary stuff. I knew it wasn't real, but I just couldn't stop being scared and screaming my head off and then having nightmares about it. And ya, I know - my CHURCH sponsored this stuff.... would be very strange these days, wouldn't it?

But it's a mixed bag. Cause some people just dress up like Yoda and pass out candy and get to know their neighbors better. Which is a good thing. I dressed up as Goth Girl one year and it was really fun when no one recognized me. I love stuff like that. I love candy corn and I remember those wax pop bottles where you bit off the top and sweet liquidy stuff came out. I love pumpkin carving and seeing my friends' kids all dressed up all cute and stuff. I love Peeps ghosts and pumpkins.

I'm uncomfortable with the scary horror part that comes out on halloween. When I was a kid, we loved fake blood and grossing each other out. We told each other spooky stories with the flashlight pointing up on our faces to make ourselves look scary and we creeped each other out with ghost sounds after dark. I loved it until the lights went out for the night. I can't tell you how many halloweens and slumber parties left me unable to sleep for a while.

Maybe I should tell you that Nancy Drew mysteries gave me nightmares. heh. I'm not kidding - I was really that sensitive.

So I'm not saying Halloween is bad or having fun with spooky stuff is bad because I don't think this is a black and white thing. Cause I think there are some kids who have less vulnerability for whatever reason so telling stories in the dark about the hand that went scratch, scratch, scratching on the roof of the car in the abandoned cemetery while the terrified couple sat trembling in fear inside is just all fun and games. They can feel a little creeped out, scream just like those who are really truly terrified by it and then go right to sleep. At least I think this is how it worked for some of my friends... but maybe not?

I did not have that ability. I knew the stories weren't real, but once the lights went out at night, I could not use logic to completely convince myself that the stories I was hearing would never happen to me. That the ghosts would probably have no reason to hang out in my closet and that there really wasn't ever going to be a werewolf living in our barn.

So I was scared anyway. I think that's what it was about. And I don't think I'm alone in that. I think we were a lot of us scared anyway for a lot of reasons - both real and imagined. It didn't take much to freak ourselves out. I think by telling scary stories we made fun of ourselves with it. I think we played with it in order to stare fear in the face and feel brave, even if it was just for a little bit.