Thursday, June 30, 2005

10 Reasons I Hate Going to the Vet

by Hobbes

1. Getting into the cage. I always put up a big fight because - well, I'm a cat. I don't want to be confined. Can you blame me? I usually can sense when things are up and can run and hide so it puts off getting into the cage for a while. But I usually get found then stuffed into that cage. It really bites.

2. Riding in the car makes me feel the urge to howl uncontrollably. Only when my mom is driving though, of course. Because it makes her feel sorry for me or something. When other people take me places I just sit there and say nothing. But when she's driving I howl and moan and make noises like I might die, or puke, or both. It's a little embarassing but it gets me lots of sympathy.

3. The vet always sticks that thermometer up my butt. I don't get it. They make ear thermometers for babies (or so I've been told) - why can't they make them for animals?

4. The vet's table is always freezing cold. So when I'm nervous already, I shiver and howl uncontrollably and make myself look really pathetic. I wish I could control it. But I can't. It's embarassing.

5. The vet's assistant always talks to me like I'm a baby. As if I'm already not humiliated enough....

6. The vet talks to my mom like she's stupid or something. Like she never had a cat before let alone ever took it to the vet. They usually talk for a while about what to do with me. None of it really makes any sense. The only phrases I hear frequently enough to recognize are "Urinary Tract Infection" and "He needs to Lose weight." - whatever that means.

7. The new vet isn't very good at making me pee when she needs a urine test. So they go in with a needle and it's scary and weird and it hurts and they use this stuff to clean me up with that smells really bad. It's awful! I liked the old vet better. He was gruff but he could get me to pee every time without using a needle. He used to tell me to relax, and enjoy. I can't say I ever enjoyed it, but it was better than a needle.

8. The new vet is apparently very expensive because Mom complains about it every time. She says "You're a CAT, not a Toddler! Why am I spending all this money on you!?"
I'm not sure what that means... cause I don't really understand money. By that time I just want to get home.

9. Getting back in the cage. For some reason, even though I know that I need to get back in the cage to get home, I usually put up more of a fuss getting back in there than I did on the way out the door at home. I can really put up a fight too. I still got it.

10. Riding home in the car - well, this is the same as #2.

All the way around, this has been a long hard day for me. First it thundered and stormed and interrupted my breakfast. I got so scared I ran to hide under the bed all morning. Then when I finally found my way back to the food my little sister had eaten most of it. After a short nap in my favorite perch, I was rudely awakened and crammed into my cage before I could even get my bearings. Then it was off to the vet - and - well, you read all of the above. Now, I just want to hide under the bed some more, eat dinner, and sleep all of this off.
::sigh:: Who said being a cat was easy?


  • nice perspective.

    By Blogger Michael, at 6/30/2005 11:19 PM  

  • Oh poor kitty! Maybe your Mom will make you some nice chicken for dinner. They you really need some kitty yoga!!

    By Blogger Princess of Everything (and then some), at 7/01/2005 3:48 PM  

  • Being a cat is hard work. Human caretakers try but often they just don't UNDERSTAND. The vet should come to you. You should have two-three days to share a urine sample (isn't anything private???) and those thermometers must go. Really.
    Have a good nap and then go scratch something. You'll feel better.

    By Blogger St. Casserole, at 7/01/2005 9:01 PM  

  • Did you at least get some good crunchies out of it?

    By Blogger the reverend mommy, at 7/02/2005 12:05 AM  

  • Poor kitty!! Sounds like my mammogram appointments.

    By Blogger Just Pat, at 7/02/2005 7:48 AM  

  • JP - is THAT why you used to hide under the bed? I wondered about that.

    Hobbes didn't get crunchies but he got catnip - which is even better. He laid around stoned and enjoyed his little kitty buzz for quite a while.

    By Blogger Captainwow, at 7/02/2005 9:35 AM  

  • Poor, poor kitty.
    I'll have to tell mine, who think they are the only cats in the world that have ever been taken to the vet.

    By Blogger PPB, at 7/04/2005 9:29 AM  

  • i think a plate of "fancy feast" is in order!

    By Blogger Saija, at 7/04/2005 2:07 PM  

  • Wow - no...that would be why I howl before, during, and after.

    The hiding under the bed thing was about playing captain commando with myself, dodging bullets and hiding from sneaky guerrilas as I strategized from my ingeniously obscure hideout.

    By Blogger Just Pat, at 7/04/2005 11:06 PM  

  • Awwww... poor, poor kitty! That needle thing is just way too wrong.

    By Blogger SpookyRach, at 7/05/2005 4:03 PM  

  • I used to do the same thing when my mom had to take me to the doc. And now my little guy he is getting wise. I see instant replay coming any minute!

    By Blogger JustMe, at 7/08/2005 11:59 AM  

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