Sunday, July 23, 2006

Feeling Small

Last night I felt very tiny.
In a cosmic sort of way.

We watched Something's Gotta Give with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton and seeing her in that made me think of her in The Other Sister where she played the neurotic overprotective mom and I thought about how now that I'm a mother it makes perfect sense to me how someone can get quirky and whacked out about their kid.

I thought how inevitable it is that I'll feel that way and how inevitable it also is that our generations will gap. And wow, generations have been gapping for EVER. Ever and ever. I pictured this meandering winding map of the generations gapping all throughout the history of mankind and I wondered how many times it might have looped around and criss crossed itself and how massive the expanse would be if one could actually map this out in some semi-linear fashion.

And I lay there in my bed on my belly with my toes hooked under Amazing Man's ankle, my elbow wedged under his pillow, and my knee on the other side smothered by the cat. With Sam in the other room just on the other side of the wall, I felt at that moment that he was so far away, the world was so big, my bed was so small and I was smaller yet.

So very very small.


  • Golly Moses! I am on my way out the door to work and I will be thinking about this all day. Sigh...

    By Blogger annie, at 7/24/2006 8:50 AM  

  • what annie said!

    By Blogger SpookyRach, at 7/24/2006 8:56 AM  

  • Hey! I watched that last night too. And..I thought of you!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7/24/2006 11:05 AM  

  • i watched that movie too ... :o)

    and don't you find yourself thinking deeper and deeper as we age? questions that seem to be answered, but only in a way our mind understands - but our mouths can't vocalize?

    then i think that how can a person believe our life ends when we die? i mean it is just like Sam saying that there was nothing outside of that warm womb he was in ... but there was so much more and people that loved him already, just waiting to see him ...

    i picture that like our eternity in Christ ... there is so much more ... so much more ...

    see you got me thinking too!

    By Blogger Saija, at 7/24/2006 2:31 PM  

  • thanks for posting your thoughts. you have given your readers something to roll around in all day.
    mission accomplished?
    you are most definitely capt. wow today.

    By Anonymous K Moore, at 7/25/2006 9:31 AM  

  • Looking at the night sky on a clear night does it for me.

    By Blogger Patti, at 7/25/2006 4:08 PM  

  • Recognizing that you (and I) are not in control is both frightening and liberating. You will want to control Sam's environment when the best you can hope for is to positively influence his decisions. Oh, yeah, he is deciding right now. And he will kep on choosing. So offer him the best choices you can, model effective decision-making, and pray for divine guidance. Nothing is inevitable, but the paths are already pretty strong. (And in response to your comment on my blog, I think you have some mighty good stuff to say and I am glad you say it.)

    By Blogger little david, at 7/25/2006 11:26 PM  

  • This is the time of our lives...
    enjoy it...
    and let everything (big or small)
    keep you amazed with it.

    By Blogger Steve, at 7/30/2006 9:01 PM  

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