Feeling Small

Last night I felt very tiny.
In a cosmic sort of way.

We watched Something's Gotta Give with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton and seeing her in that made me think of her in The Other Sister where she played the neurotic overprotective mom and I thought about how now that I'm a mother it makes perfect sense to me how someone can get quirky and whacked out about their kid.

I thought how inevitable it is that I'll feel that way and how inevitable it also is that our generations will gap. And wow, generations have been gapping for EVER. Ever and ever. I pictured this meandering winding map of the generations gapping all throughout the history of mankind and I wondered how many times it might have looped around and criss crossed itself and how massive the expanse would be if one could actually map this out in some semi-linear fashion.

And I lay there in my bed on my belly with my toes hooked under Amazing Man's ankle, my elbow wedged under his pillow, and my knee on the other side smothered by the cat. With Sam in the other room just on the other side of the wall, I felt at that moment that he was so far away, the world was so big, my bed was so small and I was smaller yet.

So very very small.