Close Call
I'm in the process of making a new friend. Making new friends is sometimes exciting because there's this discovery stage where you're getting to know each other and it's really groovy. We've had a few really nice talks already.
We were talking the other day and I suddenly had the urge to go BLAAAHHHHHGGGHHH and dump my whole story on her. I haven't done that to anyone in a long time, thankfully, but I had an itch to be KNOWN from scratch, all over again.
But I stopped and thought woah, where is this coming from?
After some processing I realized it's because I currently feel rather needy. And among other things, I must feel needy for that reaction that some people have where you go blah and tell them all about your journey and if they don't think you're completely nuts and run screaming sometimes instead they go OH WOW what a wonderful amazing person you are! CAN I BE YOUR FRIEND!? PLEASE??
And then they scoop you up and take care of you ---
-- that is, until they get tired of it. Or I get tired of it. No one can sustain that much intensity for very long. A relationship based mostly on that eventually rots itself out in my experience...
So, instead of rambling on, I shut my mouth and remained in the silence to see if she would talk soon, and she did. And I heard more about her, and we chatted some more and I felt so relieved that I did not go BLAAHHGHHHGGGGG all over because it was just much better this way.
We were talking the other day and I suddenly had the urge to go BLAAAHHHHHGGGHHH and dump my whole story on her. I haven't done that to anyone in a long time, thankfully, but I had an itch to be KNOWN from scratch, all over again.
But I stopped and thought woah, where is this coming from?
After some processing I realized it's because I currently feel rather needy. And among other things, I must feel needy for that reaction that some people have where you go blah and tell them all about your journey and if they don't think you're completely nuts and run screaming sometimes instead they go OH WOW what a wonderful amazing person you are! CAN I BE YOUR FRIEND!? PLEASE??
And then they scoop you up and take care of you ---
-- that is, until they get tired of it. Or I get tired of it. No one can sustain that much intensity for very long. A relationship based mostly on that eventually rots itself out in my experience...
So, instead of rambling on, I shut my mouth and remained in the silence to see if she would talk soon, and she did. And I heard more about her, and we chatted some more and I felt so relieved that I did not go BLAAHHGHHHGGGGG all over because it was just much better this way.
posted by Captainwow on
6/16/2006
7 Comments:
That's such a very wise thing to say, and a wise thing to do, to wait in the silence and see what she would do. The silent place between friends new and old is somtimes a really comforting place to be. I think it shows great trust, to be able to be silent, without feeling like you have to feel that space.
By
annie, at 6/16/2006 7:29 PM
Proud of you friend. Amazed and proud. :)
By
Pat, at 6/16/2006 9:40 PM
I can only echo what Annie said, and silence can be hard, in any relationship. It says a lot that it was okay to just be quiet.
By
Lori, at 6/18/2006 3:10 PM
Annie is right. And so are you!
By
spookyrach, at 6/19/2006 9:41 AM
i so understand what you are talking about! i have to still myself too about stuff ... sometimes it works ... sometimes it doesn't!
By
Saija, at 6/21/2006 4:16 PM
Terrific insight here! How wise and humble and HONEST you are to admit that your desire to 'share' was simply selfish. I have been there SO many times, and rather than see the instant expected increased intimacy (wow - say that five times fast!), the friendship died with an uncomfortable imbalance of TMI. Thanks for your words - I will remember them and take them to heart...
By
Beth, at 6/27/2006 4:22 PM
establishing a necessary boundary for the soul -
makes a good spiritual friend, imho.
make sure the cement on those walls are dry though,
before you test, i.e., push against them in your time of desperation,
or else, doing so, will knock them down,
instead of serving as a needed support
By
Steve, at 6/29/2006 12:47 AM
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