It Matters

I do this thing. Maybe you do it too.

It's not going to be easy, but I need to quit it because it's creating little eddies of stupidity in my life.

There are times that I legitimately need/want something from others ... Their help, or their presence, or to talk.... Whatever. But I almost always try to make it easiest on the other person... I never want anyone to inconvenience themselves, I say it doesn't matter....I minimize the importance of my need or want so that they won't feel obligated or so that they won't feel pressured or that I won't make things too hard on someone else.

As if what I need or want doesn't really have significance. As if I wouldn't and haven't ever bent over backwards for others.... as if no one loves me enough to go around the world and back for me - I have, and they do.

So you see this is ultimately not helpful to anyone, least of all me.

I need a support group.

I'll say: Hi, my name is Captainwow and I am a whatever that's called when you do that thing where you try to not be a bother to anyone in the entire human race.

They'll say: Hi, Captainwow.

The expressions on their faces will tell me that they understand and I'm in a Safe Place. And we'll tell our stories and cry together and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes.

At the end of each meeting we'll say: It DOES TOO matter! *I* matter, and the things that matter to me matter so there.