Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Lucy In The Sky With Puppies

6 days left at this job and what a weird mood I'm in today: nostalgic/introspective/sad/playful/paranoid/excited. [not about work, about life in general - I always get this way with new adjustments]

I want to remember the fun things we did, the way we were so comfortable. To remember how we picked up smooth worn rocks on the beach for hours and went away with our pockets bulging. The way we felt on our first date. The time we raked leaves and then the wind picked up so much our efforts became futile and we found ourselves crumpled in laughter beside our empty leaf bags not even caring anymore that we couldn't finish the job. How you asked for me when your mom died because it was me that you wanted with you. The time we ate bad pizza and got super sick together in my tiny one-bathroomed house. That laugh you have when you're tired and everything is hilarious.

I want to figure out all my crap and a perfect surefire way to straighten it all out.

I want to cry for the way you are abandoned and isolated, to fend for yourself in this world and how your demons keep you there. I want to cry for the things that happened to you that make you duck and defer, asking pardon even for being you. Lovely, amazing you. I want to cry for the tools and blessings that weren't given to you as a child so that now you beat your fists against the chest of God, not knowing how to fight anyone but yourself.

I want to play on the monkeybars and swing on the swings and wrestle and play tag and leapfrog and laugh at each others' hiccups until we pee our pants. Then I want to go inside and drink Orange Crush and play Monopoly until we're bored or hungry. And then I want to watch the absolute most funnest movie we ever did see and then go to bed and crawl in our bunk beds and play with the flashlight shadows and whisper and giggle until one of us falls asleep.

I'm paranoid you don't like me as much as I like you. I'm second guessing and thinking I think too much. I'm scared you might fly away and not come back in the spring. And I'm paranoid that I'm screwing up by overblogging and exposing my insanity.........

I'm looking out over an expanse of tomorrows again, having no clue what is next for a job and feeling like running ahead and getting it all going RIGHT NOW! I'm going to MEET NEW PEOPLE! I'm going to learn new things! I'm going to be walking into a different place every day and not driving an hour to get there. We're going to make improvements to the kitchen and we're going to have a DISHWASHER!!! I get a month off next month to figure it all out! I may just work out 8 days a week and lose 30 pounds and get a black belt in Karate. We're going to vote, and I wonder who will be the next pres. And I'm excited to see who wins and to have all this stupid campaigning over with! It's time to start Christmas shopping and it's time to make pumpkiny things and that's all so very exciting!

And, well.... that's just how I feel today.....


  • I walk by her office and I want to say something. The other day all I could think of to say was "love you". I think she knows that those 2 words really said a lot more than just love you.

    She has meant so much to me over the past 9 years and now this land of comfort is coming to an end. In just a few days it will be a new beginning for her and for me too. I am happy for her. I am excited for her to have this decision behind her. It's a hard choice to make even when all things are logical to leave.

    She is leaving soon. I know that I am not loosing a friend at all... I will miss her; her silliness, her smiles, even her moodiness and wrath. I will miss having that person that understands me just by looking at me. But she will not escape me, I will find her and I will still rant, I will still cry to her and with her, we will still laugh together, we just won't be getting paid for it.

    Love you!

    By Blogger JustMe, at 10/20/2004 11:51 AM  

  • overblogging? no way! this makes me want to be 5 again!

    By Blogger Headless-in-GR, at 10/20/2004 12:06 PM  

  • Hell, I don't even work with you but I started getting all nostalgic and was missing you too!

    Go figure, I lurk on your blog for a few weeks and I think we are best of friends. I must be paranoid too.

    Sweet stuff, and nice puppies.
    Thanks for the laugh.

    Take Care

    By Blogger Michael, at 10/20/2004 1:02 PM  

  • Overblogging? Exposing your insanity? Naw... it just shows you are human like the rest of us. And besides, blogs are more interesting to read when they are honest. I like getting to know you this way.

    By Blogger Willena, at 10/20/2004 1:32 PM  

  • oh, sweet woman, what a beautiful, beautiful post . . . you opened up this secret place inside of your heart and let us see and oh my the gorgeous colors in there! You have an enormous capacity for the lovin' and I am so grateful for you in my living . . . I so wish we lived closer because I would so love to play Monopoly and drink orange crsuh with you right now. Wow. Now I get why you are called Captainwow :) smooches to you . . .

    By Blogger Katherine, at 10/20/2004 8:49 PM  

  • What a beautiful way to say you'll miss your playmates. Simply beautiful.

    By Blogger Just Pat, at 10/21/2004 12:41 AM  

  • aw shucks!! thanks everyone!! Y'all are makin me cry!! *sniff!*

    By Blogger Captainwow, at 10/21/2004 7:43 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger Captainwow, at 10/21/2004 7:43 AM  

  • Well that's how you feel today but I bet if you re-read your post some other time your descriptions will charm you like they have me. Thes are the times of one's life. When nothing matters because you are TOGETHER. There aren't so many posters like you wower lady.
    Gosh isn't a 'real' clock reassuring in this cyberplane.
    O and thankyou for visiting me :)

    By Blogger geeky kisser, at 10/21/2004 7:44 AM  

  • Lovely, happy Wow. You have the best memory vault of anyone I know. I love opening it up and rummaging through the bits and pieces of my own life that I have long ago forgotten, turning them over in my hands once again, getting to know them again. You are a blessing and a joy. May the next month of your life be filled with renewal and smiles.

    By Blogger ., at 10/21/2004 10:58 AM  

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