Friday, March 05, 2004

A Few Thoughts

It occurred to me the other day that my life looks nothing like I ever thought it would.
Not that THAT is any huge epiphany. I have no idea where I'm going 99 percent of the time. (metaphorically speaking, that is)
If you had told me 10 years ago I'd be the me that I am now. Who I am now, HOW I am now - even WHERE I am now, and how I got there, I would not have been able to buy it. I'd say "Huh? Whatty who - WHAT?"
IN FACT I would say that If you showed Me Now to Me Then, Me Then would very likely judge, disapprove, and not understand Me Now. I think I would have considered myself deceived and derailed by my own screwups. Me Then most certainly would not have called Me Now a Good Christian! I would not have believed I could get here by the route I took.
In hindsight I see my wipeouts as not only tragic but also redeemable unique opportunities and most of my journey as getting me HERE which is a very good place to be for now. Could I have conceived that I would ask questions such as the ones I ask now and not have lost faith? Probably not, but what I'm finding is that the questions are as precious as the answers and my faith is simpler, less "sophisticated", more childlike yet more mature and deeper even than it was then.


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